you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
