; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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