Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
