A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
