uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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