Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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