he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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