Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
