Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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