My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
