mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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