I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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