I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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