Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
