Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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