I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
