At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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