I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
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