forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
