I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
