I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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