I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
pray to the hookup gods
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
