i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Green mimosas i think yes
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
