the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
