So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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