yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
