The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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