my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
