i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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