i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
