I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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