he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
His nipple licking is glorious
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