you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
