You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
