You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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