Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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