I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
