He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
