fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
