It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
