An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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