Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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