Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
