maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
