I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
