So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
