At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
