at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
