i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
