So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
