What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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