Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
