STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
