Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
