remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
