sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
