16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
