Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
